Random Thoughts On Family and Relationships

I received three very bitter and hateful emails from my ex whatever he is. His name is Patrick and we dated for a month and a half. I never thought of him as my boyfriend. We went out about once a week. He was nice… actually too nice, a bit boring, totally passive, and just not my same speed. I kept on thinking about how it would be if he had met certain members of my crazy (but totally lovable) family. I would imagine him meeting my larger than life Tito Jesse who trained his offspring and wife to hold up a fist and cheer, “FAMILY!” when someone farts at dinner or my four “in your face” cousins Tessa, Mena, Mercedes, and Celina who notice EVERYTHING about any male that is brought to a family function (If you date one of us, you date us all!). My fantasy Meet-and-Greet scenarios did not go over well in my head. Too many scenarios involved Patrick backing himself into a quiet corner of the house while plugging his ears and closing his eyes. I think my family would be too much for him. We are loud, passionate, neurotic, witty, insane, and love each other so much that we are completely obsessed with being a family. I thrive in the chaos of many simultaneous table slamming discussions, horribly corny jokes, overly critical titas who are not afraid to point out how much weight I have gained since you was 16, and rosy, drunken titos screaming dirty jokes. My family is a sensory overload and I love it that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patrick said a lot of hurtful things that I’m just going to ignore because it was out of anger. I know he was not thinking clearly when he wrote them. One thing he said was very interesting though. From his letter:

“…you need to sit down and think about whether or not you're ready for a relationship. You said ours became one-sided even though I was changing. You did *nothing* to change so you're right, it was one-sided. I still can't believe it took you two months to realize that it wasn't for you when you admitted in the first place that you KNEW what kind of guy you wanted!!!!”

That part of the letter got me thinking.
1)Did I really tell him that I knew what kind of guy I wanted?

If I did tell him that I knew what kind of guy I wanted then I was foolish. I know enough now to know that I rarely know exactly what I want. I’m a strange case because sometimes when I do get what I want, I want something else. It is rare that something keeps my attention for very long. However, if it does keep my attention I get way too into it.

2) Does anyone really know what kind of person they want to date and who they will be most compatible? Does anyone have a clear outline of the type of person they want to end up with?

I used to have a list of over twenty things that I wanted in a significant other. It was something that I often thought about and revised. I noticed that it changed after every relationship. “Can cook well” was replaced by “Has high emotional IQ.” “Liberal political views” took the place of “Appreciation for sushi.” The list idea was a nice organized way of ranking important qualities that are needed for a successful fantasy relationship. I say fantasy because it is rare that one person will be the embodiment of everything on that list and if he is, he would probably have a few totally negative qualities that would be an extreme turn off. The funny thing about my list was that I would hardly ever follow it. Some of the guys I dated were the complete opposite of what I knew I wanted, but I took a chance because I had fallen for them somehow. I have learned something from every single relationship I have had and I value each smile, tear, giggle, annoyed glare, and awkward moment that I have shared with those boys.

I still don’t know exactly what I want, but right now I am in a relationship with someone who is what I need right now and has amazing potential to be what I will want in the future. Matt is thoughtful, sweet, makes me laugh too much, goofy, intelligent, caring, and allows me to be myself at all times. I know he would fit in with my cousins because he reminds me of Danny Paredes. I can be as silly with him as I can be with Danny and it is so much fun! I could go on and on, but I won’t for now because we have only been dating for less then a month (But it seems like I have known him for years!). Haha… I’m beyond excited about him.